Time

It's hard to believe that a year ago today the bridge in Minneapolis collapsed. I was sitting on the bed in our room at Fisher House. The blue floral print comforter lured me to the cushion of the mattress where I sat in a moment of relaxation. The room was torn apart, boxes lay half filled on the floor and paperwork was scattered everywhere. The light at the end of the tunnel was getting brighter and we would be returning home soon. Home to the comforts of our own couch, our own kitchen, and our own quiet neighborhood. It was in this moment of relaxation at the Fisher House that I would learn of the bridge collapsing in Minneapolis. After a fast check to make sure that no one we knew had been traveling the bridge we would continue to watch the news in disbelief that such a tragic event could happen in a city that we love. A few weeks later we would return to life in the Midwest and the site of the collapsed bridge.

It's been a little over a year now since we left Walter Reed Army Medical Center and returned home for good. Our move was full of so many emotions. There was excitement to be in our own space, fear of what the future held, and anxiety over going back to school. Mixed in with everything else there was heartbreak. We were leaving behind friends that became family, therapists that became our best cheerleaders, and a house that became a home.

The move home was incredibly bittersweet and the last year we have come so far. There have been ups and downs but somehow we've managed to not kill each other. It took a lot of time to adjust to life after Walter Reed. For the first time in a long time it feels like J.R. and I are once again in sync and we have a somewhat normal routine for our life.

This year the warm weather brought logrolling back into our lives. It was so amazing to watch J.R. roll again this year. His body transformed from the thin frame of post war injury back into his toned muscular self. His eyes had a new light shining in them and his smile was bigger and better than ever. Although the end of the Lumberjack season didn't go exactly as planned, the summer of training was not wasted. J.R.'s return to the log proved that the enemy may turn your life upside down, but they can never break the spirit of any American Soldier.

As our one year anniversary of returning home from Walter Reed approaches, there is once again a move happening. In a few days we will close on our very own home. A cozy three bedroom farm house built in 1900 will be the new Salzman residence. The home comes with five acres of property and two extremely large man caves (AKA pole barns). And although I'm not sure I've convinced J.R. that cows would be a lovely edition to the property, I am confident that Brutus will be very pleased to become king of the hill and will rule the yard accordingly.

Although I am excited to be moving into our very own home I am struggling to leave behind my two bedroom apartment. This was my very first place that I made my home. It was in this apartment that I weathered a deployment. It was this apartment that J.R. longed to come home to while he was in Iraq. It was in this bedroom that I learned of J.R.'s injury. This was the home that helped me survive Walter Reed. It was my light at the end of the tunnel, my refuge when I needed it most, and because of that it will always be a special place for me.

Update

6:45 AM. This seems to be the new time my body has decided to wake up everyday now. It doesn't matter if I go to bed at 2 AM, I am wide awake at 6:45. I've decided that the only explanation for this is my unconscious mind is telling me their is shit to be done and sleep is reserved for after you are dead. Because Sunday is my day to sleep in and I happened to be up at the crack of dawn today, I now have this lovely two hour chunk of time that is all mine and it is time for a blog entry.


I am well aware that the blog has been silent for long periods of time. It's not that I don't want to write... actually it's quite the opposite. This summer I have started writing Life in a Cracker Box - The Book. I started this project thinking it would be rather easy to pull blog entries and fill in some cracks and then *poof* there would be a book. Funny how it doesn't work that way. Sitting down and recalling memories has turned out to be hell. There are so many moments I would love nothing more then to just burn out of my mind. Arguments I wish never happened. Words I wish were never said. As painful as some of these memories are they are still moments in my life that I can't take back. They are moments that define what J.R. and I have been through and how his injury has affected our lives. They're important. So when you see a long stretch of silence rest assured that life is still being documented. It's just at a slower pace with more proofreading.



On top of writing a book this summer I am picking up a million hours of work whenever possible. Cost of food is rising, gas is only going to get more expensive, and I refuse to work a million hours this fall and take 16 credits at the same time. I am hoping by saving my pennies now I will be able to cut my hours back at work once again and focus just on my studies. It's a nice dream.



Now onto the good parts of life.



This summer J.R. and I are welcoming a new member of the family. No, I'm not pregnant. Shame on you for jumping to conclusions. He is furry, has four legs, and goes by the name of Brutus. He happens to be the cutest springer spaniel I have ever laid eyes on and even though he is a giant pain in every ones ass I am completely in love with him. He's currently living with J.R.'s parents as we cannot have a dog in our apartment, but come August we will be in a new place that will allow us to have as many pets as our hearts desire. Currently he has already destroyed one internet cable, one pencil sharpener, and I'm sure a few other objects that we have yet to locate. We're going to have to work on that whole chewing issue.

This summer has also kept J.R. busy with logrolling. He's back at it and better than ever. After weeks of rolling he seems to finally be back to his old style. He looks healthy and he smiles more than he has in the last year. His body has made such a transformation from a year ago when his face was thin and sunken in, his arms were limp and tired, and all of his pants were falling off. The muscle has returned to his legs and arms, his face is full once again, and he now looks like the healthy man I married. It's a relief. Currently he is in Canada competing. I would love to tell you the exciting results of his three competitions but I have a feeling that he will kill me if I spill the beans. So for now my lips will have to remain sealed. As always we encourage anyone in the Wisconsin area to come watch him roll at the Lumberjack World Championships in Hayward, Wi. Come see him July 25, 26, and 27th!

In our spare time when I am not working and J.R. is not rolling, we have been busy sawing lumber. We have sawed thousands of board feet of wet heavy red pine timbers. Because J.R. doesn't trust me running the actual mill (every time I ask to run the mill he mutters something about me+power tools+sharp spinning blade=scary) I get stuck pulling boards. Now I don't know if you've ever had the chance to pull 16 ft long boards of heavy red pine up hill, but if anyone ever asks you to do this run. J.R. has the ability to saw the boards faster than I can pull them and re-stack them on the trailer. Although it was grueling work for both of us we managed to survive the sun and our tempers. And even though I would never admit it to J.R., I actually enjoy sawing lumber with him. It's a great upper body workout for me and I get a tan while doing it.

For now that is all I am able to spill to the world. Of course there is more news to share but once again my lips must stay sealed until a later date and time. It's time to take my coffee, glue on a smile, and head to work for another day of selling clothes to the good people of Menomonie.

Concourse E

After J.R. was injured I became an airport pro. Flying from Wisconsin to D.C. and back again once every month or so made me very comfortable with airport policies and has often made me wonder if I should just work for the airlines. After all… there wouldn’t be much left for training. I’ve got the crabby look, the short text book responses of “ID PLEASE!” and “NEXT IN LINE” and “your bag is overweight give me money.” I sometimes wonder if they just pocket that money.

As I walked into the terminal this morning I wasn’t surprised to see a million people all in line and holding passports. It takes forever to check these people in. Language barriers, passport checks, a million bags. I hate people that can afford international travel. I made it through the check in process with no problem and entered the security check point. This step went surprisingly fast. It wasn’t until I walked up to the first ID checker that I ran into an issue. Typically when I fly I use my military ID card to make my way through security. Fewer hassles, faster checks, and much more friendly TSA agents. Not today.

“This ID is expired.”

“Really?! I’m sorry, my husband and I don’t live on a base. We’re a national guard family so I rarely have to use my ID. Let me grab my license for you.”

“How do you not know your ID card is expired?”

“……I.Don’t.Live.On.Base. National guard.” (I resisted the urge to use jazz hands as I tried to make the national guard sound extra fabulous and special)

She stares at me with a blank face. After spending an extra few moments staring at my license she returns the ID cards and again comments on the fact that I wasn’t aware my military ID was expired. It’s not like a license, I don’t get some cool reminder in the mail saying “Hey guess what… we need you to come stand in line for five hours so we can take a nasty picture and slap it on an ID.” Doesn’t work that way.

I made it through the rest of security without a hitch. After redressing myself and putting all of my gadgets back in my bag I reached for the boarding pass to check where I was off to next.

Gate: E12

I wasn’t surprised to be flying out of concourse E. It seems that every time I am in the Minneapolis airport I am in this same concourse. As I walked through the concourse and pass every gate memories come flooding back.

I made my way to the end of the concourse. As the hallway opens up into a large area with the six remaining gates I stand and hold back tears. There before me is E15. For a few short days in November of 2006 this gate carried with it a happy memory; the memory of J.R. returning home from Iraq for his R&R. That day I stood next to a fellow Army wife and took pictures as her husband walked through the gate and saw their newborn child for the first time. Shortly after I snapped a picture I was able to wrap my arms around J.R. It was a hug full of relief, full of love, and even a few tears. It was as if our bodies had melted together and I could no longer tell where one began or ended. We were one for a few sweet moments. There was no one else in the airport, there was no world around us, no stress of Iraq, just us. To this day it remains one of my most memorable embraces.

As I continued to stand in the concourse my mind raced ahead to two weeks later. I found myself once again in concourse E standing by gate 15. This time I was saying goodbye. We sat in the chairs holding each other in silence. This goodbye was different than all of the others. We knew in our guts that something was changing, something wasn’t right. We held back tears as we whispered the only words that could come out, “I love you.” The first boarding call was made. As the tears started to flow we held each other closer, not wanting to let go but knowing that it was inevitable. Determined to make every moment count we allowed the boarding calls to continue. It was a moment when you felt that everyone was watching you, and for once you were right to feel this way. One brave woman gathered enough courage to approach us in our final minutes together. Seeing us struggle with saying goodbye she came up and told us how much we had touched her and how proud she was of our family and thanked us for what we were doing. There were tears in her eyes. Seeing her emotion I broke down. As the attendant called the third final boarding call the tone in her voice was authoritative and we knew that this was it. The plane was leaving. A quick kiss and I turned and ran. It was too painful to watch him walk through the gate and board the plane. I literally ran through the concourse crying. As I exited the airport through baggage claim “Have Yourself a Very Merry Christmas” played over the speakers. Disgust filled my body and I ran faster. I made it to the car and broke down. For half an hour I cried, unable to put the car in gear and drive home I let go of my husband and for a moment I made peace with the knowledge that life was going to be different soon. I didn’t know how it was going to change, or when, but I knew it was coming. As I left the airport I began to accept this feeling.

A few days later the phone call came. J.R. had been injured and the mystery of what was waiting to happen had been solved. In a few days I would once again find myself in the airport. This time sitting in concourse E, exhausted, stressed, and lacking nutrition. For days I had been able to eat very little. I was so anxious to see J.R. that food didn’t matter. I sat in my chair watching the seconds tick by, willing the minute hand to move faster and attempting to eat a bag of trail mix that would eventually end up in the garbage. All around me people were smiling. It was Christmas day and the airport was relaxed. I wanted to scream at people. I wanted to lash out and punch someone. I needed someone to feel what I was feeling, to understand my urgency to arrive at my final destination. It was the longest wait of my life.

In the following nine months I would fly in and out of concourse E more than I could have ever imagined. The Minneapolis/St. Paul airport began to feel a bit like home. There was always a sense of excitement as I returned to concourse E and a sense of dread as I left. When I enter the airport today it can be hard at times to hold these memories at bay. Even as I sit here now and reflect about my time in E I am holding back tears. How bittersweet military life is.

Here, There, Everywhere...

I assure you all, I have not died. The end of school brought long days and nights and a crazy final exam schedule. Having survived the semester I began my summer vacation with a positive attitude. Thinking I would have many lazy days with few commitments I began vacation with a trip to MI. It's been go go go ever since.

Tonight I'm packing for my trip to Plymouth, MA. I'm heading to the coast to see two friends from Fisher House tie the knot. I'm thrilled to go but rather unhappy that it's 10 pm now and I'm leaving for the airport in 5.5 hours and I haven't finished packing. If I get sleep tonight it will be a miracle. I take that back.. sleep would be a blessing.. a miracle would be all of the flights working tomorrow and my mother and I both making it to Boston as scheduled. I'm trying to have a positive attitude but lets face it, she has three different flights to get out to Boston so we're screwed. It's a glass half empty kind of night.

Life has been full of ups and downs. When it's up it's sky high and when it's down the devil would have to travel south to find me. I've come to the conclusion that at this point it's best to just enjoy the ups and hold on for all your worth in the low. It all evens out eventually and lets face it, I'd rather ride the roller coaster then sit on the merry-go-round my whole life.

For now I'm off to finish packing and find a small snack before I attempt sleep. I'm ready for the ocean.

**side note: I just got my e-mail account up and running again. I have not been ignoring anyone. Please be patient. I have been sorting through more e-mail then one could imagine.

Bubbles

I can tell it's close to finals week. The library is packed and all of my usual seats are taken. I once again find my personal space bubble popped and am left sitting awkwardly close to people I don't know. The kid behind me is clicking his pen, the girl in front of my is swinging her foot, and the boy to my right has his headphones on with music blaring so all I hear is muffled screaming. Lovely. Thankfully I am well prepared for finals and the stress levels aren't overly high. Even if I failed every final I would still be walking out of all of my classes with a solid B, so I'm not going to kill myself in the next week and a half.

Speaking of bubbles, my gym bubble was invaded the other night. I entered the gym at 11:30 pm to find one other person as crazy as me lifting weights. I had my pick of treadmills (I love when that happens) and so I hopped on the second one in from the right. Two minutes into my warm up a college aged boy enters the gym. Mind you all of the treadmills but the one I am walking on are open (that's like... 6 open treadmills). I watch as he walks over and stands behind the treadmill right next to mine. I tried to give him the evil eye in the mirror but apparently this wasn't very intimidating. As I began to run he jumped on the treadmill to my left and began his workout.

Now the thought crossed my mind of stopping the treadmill, cleaning it, and moving to one at the other end. After a minute of considering this possibility I decided I was much to lazy to clean not one but two machines and told myself to suck it up and keep running. So I did. Ten minutes later the boy was sweating like crazy. I watched as he raised his hand to wipe the beads of sweat off his forehead. Then to my horror he flicked his hand on the way down. It was as if the world had suddenly gone into slow motion.... I watched as little tiny drops of sweat went flying through the air towards me and then I felt it. Not one, but MULTIPLE direct hits. Tiny beads of some strange mans sweat hitting my skin.

I stopped the treadmill and went home, forever traumatized.

Proof I Married a Crazy!

Proof that I am married to a crazy man! There is snow and Ice and he's logrolling. At first glance of this picture I was so glad to see he had a hat on. Then I asked myself, "If you're logrolling in a lake that still has ice, in shorts, while it's snowing, does a hat really help or make any difference?" He's a smart one :)

If anyone has sent any e-mails in the past few days I'm not ignoring you, I just don't have working e-mail. J.R. has been moving his website which disrupts everything. It should be up and running shortly.

As for now I'm off to get my run in at the gym. Finals are coming up so every minute of my day counts right now.

We Are Not Alone

Leaving Walter Reed and returning home was hard for so many reasons. Not only were we leaving behind close friends but we were leaving behind a community who understood what it meant to be an amputee. It's easy to return home feeling as though you're the only one for miles going through this. Then, as time goes on you realize there are a heck of a lot more amputees out there than you think.

A few months after being home I was waiting on a very nice woman at work. As she opened her wallet to pay for her merchandise I noticed her wedding picture. As I took a closer look I was shocked to notice that her husband was missing his arm. After a short conversation I learned that they lived only 15 miles away from us and that her husband enjoyed many of the same outdoor activities J.R. does. She still comes into the store and I always love seeing her. It's nice to have someone around who doesn't look at you with concern when you tell them your husband broke his arm.

It wasn't soon after meeting this family that J.R. met another student at UW Stout who is also missing his arm. I have yet to meet the other student, but I do know that they both fish.

Then today as I was walking out my bank I stopped dead in my tracks. There was a man filling out a form with a prosthetic arm.

It just goes to show that even when you think you're the only family for miles experiencing this lifestyle there really is someone nearby that understands. It's a good feeling.

As for now it's to say Happy Birthday to the Cracker Box. Today marks the one year anniversary from when I started my blog. I can still remember writing my first post in the kitchen of the Fisher House. We've come so far in a year. Here's hoping for another year of good memories and many posts.

Who's got mind powers?!

Alright today is test day and yikes. I've done the review questions in the back of the chapters three times now (that's over 300 questions each time) and I still suck. I've come to accept the fact that this is not going to be my best test ever and that if I somehow manage to get a C I will die of a heart attack. If someone can figure out how to telepathically send me the answers to the test while I take it, I'll give you a million dollars.

Day of Study

Today is the day that I hate myself for not putting more time and energy into Economics over the weekend. Not only do I have an Econ exam tomorrow, but I also have a listening exam tomorrow. I have prepared myself by ordering not one, but TWO medium pizzas from Pizza Hut (I had a coupon) and I'm breaking out the container of oreos that will be lucky if they make it until 2 pm.

It's a good thing I have a gym membership.

J.R. comes back from Iowa today. Don't worry... I ordered two pizzas he wont have any interest in so there shall be no study food crisis. (I think this qualifies me as a rather mean wife, but he "didn't have cell phone service" so consider it pay back for not calling to tell me they made it to Iowa safely) I'm excited to see him. As always when he leaves on these short trips I lounge around the house bored out of my mind. With no one around to annoy with conversation it's incredibly quiet (and I HATE quiet). It also makes me wonder how the hell I survived alone for over a year. I'm such a wuss when he leaves. I slept with the living room lights on and got up multiple times each night to check and make sure the door was locked. Pathetic.

The runny nose issue is finally starting to disappear. I have yet to decide if this is an allergy reaction or a cold. Either way I'm glad it's leaving and hope it doesn't come back.

For now I must stop my procrastination and return back to the world of graphs and GDP. Lucky me.

Disgusted

One more thought.

I saw this story on foxnews just before closing the laptop and I am outraged.

One never knows when a phone call from their soldier could be the last chance to say I love you. How can you deny a child, punish a child, for wanting to talk to their parent who is an ocean away in a war zone?

Update

Life in Menomonie has been busy (this is a recurring theme in case you missed that memo). Tonight I sit wide awake, unable to breath through my nose, and unable to escape the stresses of consciousness.

The past week has been a rough one for all UW Stout students. April 6th we lost three students in an off campus fire. Though I did not personally know any of the victims their loss has been felt all across campus. Their tragic death was followed by a sizeable protest from the Westboro Baptist Church. Why they protested their deaths is beyond me. I don't believe it is possible for a normal rational person to truly understand the philosophy behind an organization that preaches hate. It is rumored on campus that the organization is filing a lawsuit against UW Stout due to a student stealing one of their signs. Lets all pray that if this rumor is true they lose miserably in court.

Just when we thought things couldn't get any worse on campus it was announced that we lost a senior student to a brain hemorrhage. For a campus of roughly 8,400 students it's been a hard hit. Their deaths remind us that life is precious and even at 18, 19, and 20 years old we are not invincible.

The four students, their families, and their friends remain in our thoughts.

We have officially hit the last three weeks of the semester and many of us are ready to explode. Professors are frantically cramming in last minute assignments and doubling up on chapters so we can cover everything on the syllabus. I eat, and sometimes sleep at the library (napping in between chapters is needed since REM sleep helps us organize and remember data... that's my logic for sleeping after studying economics). If I could shower in the library I think I'd move in. I keep reminding myself that we're ALMOST to summer vacation and then I'll be able to take a deep breath and relax.

Work... that's a topic we haven't talked about in a long time. I'm now financially able to cut back to ONE day a week. Working one day gives me some fun money to use on the weekend and it lets me keep my amazing 40% discount. Cutting back on my hours not only opened up more time to spend in the library, but it frees up some time for actual relaxation. Amazing.

Now I'm pretty sure that we are currently in the month of April. At least, my calendar says we are even if the weather outside is still stuck in February. With spring time comes not only spring cleaning but also a reminder that swim suit season is right around the corner. It's time for the gym. Normally I live on the elliptical when I work out, but lately I've been trying this whole treadmill running thing. I hate it. I hate the pounding on the knees, the breathing, and everything about it but oh do I love the feeling afterwards. It's a feeling that you just can't get from thirty minutes on the elliptical. I have way more energy and need way less sleep at night. It's better than any cup of coffee I've ever had. I think I'm hooked.. at least until next winter when it's time to hibernate again.

For now it's 2:45 in the morning and I must continue in my quest for sleep. I'm not sure if I have a cold, or allergies, or some random virus... whatever it is I'm not enjoying it. If I don't take the decongestant I can't breath out of my nose. If I do take the decongestant my nose drips uncontrollably. I got so annoyed with the constant wiping and blowing of my nose tonight while trying to do my Economics homework, that I cut a tampon in half and shoved it up my nose (a confession you would only get out of me in the middle of a sleepless night). It may not have been beautiful but it worked. Thank God J.R. is in Iowa turkey hunting for the next couple of days. I would never live this down if he was here to witness it.

Studying

Four weeks of school left. Four! Amazing.

Back to the books.

Freshman 15

Why is it when you cram in a four page paper at the last minute, you also cram in five million calories? Does the 32 once pop with the large bag of M&M's and the three bars of laughy taffy really improve my ability to think? Probably not. Does the consumption of sugar ease the stress of finishing the paper? Probably not.

And we wonder where the freshman 15 comes from...

The Little Engine That Could

I know I've fallen off the face of the Earth lately but I promise you all I'm alive and fine.

Like rail cars tied together and pulled by a locomotive, my responsibilities have tied together to form a heavy load to pull. And just like The Little Engine That Could I am pulling my load hirer and hirer up the mountain until I eventually reach the crest and coast my way down.

I think I can.

With the help of some angels who have shifted the load and given me a push I know I can.

Life has been incredibly busy homework, VA visits, and some other mucky things. But never fear, I'm still finding time to have some fun. Recently I joined J.R. on a trip to Vail, Colorado for some lessons in snowboarding. I fell a ton, laughed a lot, and we both had a fantastic time. More pictures and writing about this will happen... someday.

Thirty-five Minutes

Thirty-five minutes until Philosophy is over. That means thirty-five minutes until my spring break officially starts. Spring break means more time to write. I think.

Untitled

War never interrupts life at an ideal moment.

Three Hundred Dollar Nap

Today I took the best $300 nap in my life. I value this nap at $300 because currently as UW Stout students, that's about what we are paying per credit and nap time happens in my relaxation class.

This afternoon in relaxation we practiced hypnosis. All 40 some students piled into the wrestling room and laid on the mats (all of us trying to convince ourselves that the mats are indeed clean). The tape began to play and a man explained the idea behind hypnosis.

"Hypnosis is done while you are still awake.. blah blah blah.. relax... blah blah blah.... deeper and deeper.. blah blah blah... sleep."

OK. I'll sleep. One second I was listening to the man talk and then bam... the class was moving and Kelsey was laughing at me while she tried to decide who was snoring louder, me or Josh. Lovely.

I will say that I feel incredibly refreshed and have much more focus for the rest of my day that wont be finished until 10:something tonight. As for now it's time for psychology and a test over Chapter 18: Social Psych.

RIP Hoover

I returned home around one pm today. I walked into the bedroom and *Gasp* the third and final fishy was dead. I'm telling you... J.R. sabotaged the fish. Here is my evidence:

1. Every time I left the apartment the fish were happy and swimming around just fine.
2. The fish were in clean, room temperature water and were not experiencing any extreme temperature changes.
3. They were fed the proper amount.
4. They always turned up dead after J.R. had been alone in the apartment with them.
5. J.R. use to decapitate frogs as a small child by putting a "leash" on them and dragging it around. What chance does a goldfish have?! No one ever should have told me that story as I find it highly entertaining and like to use it against J.R. whenever possible. For example...

"Jo, you left the light on in the bedroom again."

"Yeah well.. you use to decapitate frogs."

Oh the maturity that flows through this house.

I Said BRRRRRRRRR!

I woke up this morning at the crack of dawn. OK it was more like 7 am so not exactly the crack of dawn.... work with me here. I took a few minutes to get ready for the day and ran out the door only to be greeted by the -11 temperature and blowing snow. I buckled myself into the car and said a little prayer before turning the key. The car started and off I went.


J.R. gave me strict orders last night to not allow my car to warm up. The coolant light has been coming on and it was once again empty. I was told to go to the shop, go directly to the shop, do not stop for coffee, and do not turn the car off. Yes Sir! Not a problem. After dropping my car off I suddenly realized that it's 8 am. J.R. is toasty warm under the covers of the bed, and I'm ten blocks from campus. With the wind blowing at 20 mph I set off on my walk to campus. I walked around the lake, over the unshovled sidewalks with drifts of snow averaging around 10 inches, and wind blowing the powdered ice into my face. All while J.R. was toasty warm under the covers, the xterra sitting nice and warm in the garage, and my car in the shop.


And just think... I get to do the walk all over again later today to pick my car up. I love living in the arctic.


In other news, I am very sad to report that a second goldfish (Harriet) has died and gone to fishy heaven. I'm blaming her death on heartbreak after Priscilla's sudden passing. I'm sure you're all thinking the same thing as J.R.

"Wow, you should really not be trusted with any living creature."

For the record, the fish have a lovely, ginormous goldfish bowl. The thing is huge and they have two and a half beautiful gallons of room temperature water to swim around in (and they're itty bitty fishies). They are fed the right amount of food, and they are kept in a room that isn't overly warm, or overly cold. They should not be dieing. I still say J.R. is sabotaging my fish. Someday this week I'm going to Eau Claire and buying goldfish from the pet store. Maybe they'll last longer than Wal-Mart fish.


And now for the real news.

The Family and Medical Leave Act has a new policy! Spouses, parents, siblings, next of kin, etc... are now being granted 26 weeks of FMLA to care of a recovering soldier. AMAZING! Though this law is not yet perfect we are looking at a HUGE step in the right direction. I encourage everyone to take a look and read for yourself.

I'm so thankful that caregivers are finally being granted some added protection. It's time our country recognizes the sacrifices being made by families. We still have a long ways to go but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The battery on my computer is almost dead and I have a load of philosophy homework to review before class starts in 45 minutes.

Please Help

If you were in my cell phone, aren't sure you were in my cell phone, want to be in my cell phone, etc.... send me your contact information. This includes, but is not limited to close friends, family (immediate or extended), all soldiers from J.R.'s unit, and everyone else. If you're not sure send it anyway because I will not remember your number from memory... I can't even remember my own mothers cell phone number and I talk to her three times a day. Everything managed to delete itself and I can't locate the backup file (which I KNOW I made). You can send this information to my e-mail Josie@JRSalzman.com . I greatly appreciate it.

Best Week Ever

I am still alive and kicking. My goldfish... well that's another story. Priscilla kicked the bucket yesterday. I had a very lovely goodbye ceremony as I flushed her down the toilet and whined to J.R. that my very favorite fish didn't live to see a week. I swear he spiked the tank with vodka.

Aside from the fish dieing and my car torturing me with needed repairs, this week has been amazing. To sum it up very shortly Soldiers Angels made my year, J.R. is finally getting treated for TBI, and I got an A on both my psychology and my economics exams. It just doesn't get any better then that.

Someday when I have more time and I don't have to be awake in seven hours I will explain the above in more depth. Tonight however I have a very nice date with my pillow. Happy Valentines Day everyone!

My Cup is Empty

Yes that's right.. my coffee cup is empty again.

If I fall asleep tonight it will be a miracle.

Breakdown

Tonight has not been a good night. There is a constant inner struggle with trying to sort out time to be a wife, a student, an employee, a housekeeper, and be a sane person. Tuesday brings two massive exams. One in psychology and one in economics. I've been trying to study all week little by little but between work and classes it's been tough. I'm down to the final crunch. I was so looking forward to auditioning for the school play tomorrow night, but an unexpected bill pulled out of my checking account and sent my numbers into the red. With my day booked solid tomorrow and the bank needing an hour and ten minutes of my time, I have to cut something from the plan. My options are simple... class, study time, or auditions. The auditions are gone.

I'm tired. I feel as though I have no help. I'm suppose to sort all of this out on my own and even my husband has no idea what I need most days. Most days he doesn't know what he needs so I can't expect him to understand my needs.

I know what the counselor will say this week. I'll tell him my stresses and he will turn to me and say "What can you cut out? What can you do for you?"

My options are simple. Cut school and work dead end jobs at minimum wage for the rest of my life. Cut out my husband and be a bitter old woman with a million goldfish. Cut out my job and freeze to death in the -40 weather. Cut the housework and hire a maid who will accept warm fuzzies for payments.

You figure it out.

Here Fishy Fishy!!!

Yesterday I made a trip to Wal-Mart and saved three little fishes from their sure death in the tanks at the super center. After making my way home I proudly entered the apartment to show J.R. my new pets.

"J.R. look... FISHES!!!!"

"Jo, why on earth did you buy goldfish. You know this is just going to be a repeat of last time and they're going to end up dead in a week and I'm going to find them in the freezer...."

He has no faith in me after one stupid little fish died. I barely had the thing for six hours and it was floating belly up. Infuriated I put the fish in a ziplock bag and put it in the freezer. I had every intention of returning the fish and getting a new one. By the end of the week I still hadn't gone for the new fish and the frozen goldie was long forgotten in the back of the freezer. Well, it was forgotten until J.R. came home on R&R and discovered the fish in the very back corner of the freezer. I tried to explain to him what happened but he's never believed one word of the story and from that day on he's been determined to keep anything living away from me.

"...Seriously Jo, why did you buy goldfish?"

"Well, we don't have a dog, or a cat, and you're never home at night anymore. Somebody has to keep me company and protect me and sense you can't seem to manage the job I'm going to have to depend on Hoover, Harriet, and Priscilla."

"OMG, you named them."

"Of course I named them. You can't have a pet without a name. It just doesn't work."

"THEY'RE FISH!"

"No shit Sherlock. And they still deserve names. So here they are... Hoover the food mover, Priscilla the pest, and Harriet the hider (she's a little shy)."

"You've lost it Jo."

He may think I'm nuts but at least I'm entertained. Now if I can just keep them alive.

Moving on...

It's been another crazy week at school. I've managed to become completely confused with a great understanding of Hinduism (figure that one out), aced a quiz in Psychology, and made a new promise to never buy any clothing made in China ever again after watching the documentary China Blue.

Tuesday night J.R. returned to the VA for a psychology appointment. Although he may be just fine with how these go I'm a little disgusted. They usually last about 15 minutes. That's just enough time to say "Hey how ya doing? Great. Here's some Prozac take it everyday." How is that true counseling? I go once a week and it's an hour long drill session of "How does that make you feel? If you get angry what do you do about it? Why do you do that? Try this..." It's a never ending war.

The laundry is beeping at me and I have piles of school work calling my name. I'd love to keep writing as there is so much to say, but there just aren't enough hours in the day. Words will just have to wait.

Definitely a Possum

Last night my sleep was shallow and interrupted. J.R. spent the entire night working at the shop leaving me home alone. Some days I wonder how I lived by myself while J.R. was in Iraq. Now that he is home again I'm the biggest chicken in the world. Every little noise has me on alert. It's pathetic really. I fell asleep on the couch around 1:30 watching Father of the Bride II. One minute Steve Martin was finding out he was going to be a father and the next some cowboy was riding around on a horse shooting who knows what. Realizing the J.R. was still not home I closed my eyes and drifted back off to never never land. 5:45 rolled around and I was wide awake. Where was J.R.? Why isn't he home sleeping yet? Why is his phone sitting on the coffee table and not in his pocket where is belongs? Thoroughly annoyed and worried I dragged myself to the bed. Trying to sleep was pointless. I just kept imagining J.R. laying on the floor of his shop hurt and unable to call for help because he phone was sitting on the coffee table. I got myself so worked up that I almost drove to the shop to find him and yell at him to come home and sleep. Luckily the rational person hidden somewhere deep inside me told my imagination to shut up and remember that J.R. has possum blood in him and never sleeps at night. He came home eventually only to crawl in bed and steal the covers. I gave up on sleep after that.

I rolled out of bed and made the strongest mocha I could. I then dragged myself to the shower and got myself ready for the day. Feeling awake and refreshed I began the process of my new obsessive ritual... bleaching the kitchen counters. Yesterday I wiped them down three times. Today it was four. Maybe it is because for the first time in months I can actually SEE the counter. Or maybe it's just a great way to take out any built up anger. Either way my counters are so clean you could eat off them.

As for now I'm going to go sink into the tub and reread my philosophy chapters. I have a feeling I'm still not going to comprehend the written words, but all I can do is try.

June Cleaver Meet D.J. Tanner

The first full week of school is over and what a week it has been. I already feel as if I have been back in class for months. I will admit it's nice to be back in some kind of a routine and I am feeling much more productive than I was over all of Christmas break.

I was really dreading my Economics class. After thinking about this for some time this weekend I've come to the conclusion that part of why I was dreading the subject was because I had no background in econ and my first experience was going to be a college class. I was very afraid that this would end up a lot like my experience at MSU where the professors were so amazing at their own subjects that they were unable to break it down to an elementary level. I can remember sitting through music theory classes just staring at the professor and thinking huh?! Half of the students came from high schools that didn't offer music theory as a class and therefore had very little background in the subject. It was incredibly hard to play catch up.

Anyway...

My econ professor is amazing. She is very easy to listen to and has a wonderful way of explaining theory in terms we all understand. The other wonderful part of this class is I am not the only "non-traditional student." Two of the students are in their early 40's and another man is around J.R.'s age, married, and has two daughters. It is refreshing to take a course with fellow students who have been there, done that.

This whole "non-traditional student" label can be very frustrating. I do not regret marrying at a young age. I would not take back J.R.'s injuries. These major events make me and J.R. who we are. As frustrating as it can be to overcome what life has thrown at us I do feel that we have grown in a very positive way from what has happened. Because of the choices I have made, the places I have gone, and the life lessons I have learned, I carry an advantage in the classroom. I am able to look at theories on life and apply them in a very different way than most students fresh out of high school. However, when it comes to making friends, a casual acquaintance, or speaking to a professor on a one on one basis outside of class, the life I've lead can make things a little muddy. Lets face it, most 21 year old students are going to find it a little odd that a peer their age is married. Tell them you've been to the playboy mansion, your husband has an ESPY, and that he has his arm blown off and they'll laugh at you in disbelief as they walk away. One has to become very selective about what details you can and cannot reveal which is exhausting. Some days I feel as if I have multiple personalities... June Cleaver (always perfect house wife) meets D.J. Tanner (young, hip, teenage girl that hangs with the cool crowd). Maybe someday I'll find a balance and I'll go back to being one person. Until then, I'm just non-traditional.

Aside from school I have been a cleaning machine. The bedroom is officially spotless. The kitchen is sparkling. The laundry bins are empty. It is wonderful. This week I made it my goal to find the kitchen table. It took a while but I found it. With my homework completed and the table exposed it was time to get a few projects done that I've been dieing to finish. Last night I pulled out my sewing machine and hemmed my bedroom curtains. I love any excuse I can find to pull out my machine. I am very fortunate to have a sewing machine that my Grandmother purchased after she graduated high school. As the years went on the machine was given to my Mother. As a small child I can remember begging my Mom to let me use the machine. I can't remember any specific projects that I actually sewed with the machine, but I'm sure I made a lot of pillows. When I moved out on my own my Mom passed the machine on to me. It still works just as well as the day my Grandmother bought it. Someday I'll upgrade and have a fancy new machine, but until then I'm going to enjoy my featherweight.

For the rest of my night I'm going to go bury myself in Hinduism and make an attempt at understanding the complex philosophy.

I'll Buy Your Time for a Quarter

So very many things to write about and no time to put them into words.

June Cleaver has definitely taken the reigns now that school has started. If I'm not in class, I'm working. If I'm not studying, I'm cleaning. If I'm not cleaning, I'm cooking. I feel very accomplished yet very drained by the end of the day. Hence the purchase of an espresso machine today. God help us all.

For now it's back to Psychology and correlations and finding standard deviations. This class should come with a warning, "ATTENTION MATH PHOBICS: DANGER!"

Busy Work

Seven am wake up call. Shower, get ready, bundle, bundle, bundle. Go to listening. Go to counseling. Eat lunch on campus WHILE studying for economics. Sit through econ. Practically DIE in relaxation. Come home. Write blog. Change clothes. Go to work. Come home again. Clean, clean, clean. Read two chapters for philosophy about some rabbit and duck. Go to bed. Sleep.

REPEAT.

If I have any hair left on my head by the time semester is done it will be a miracle.

First Day of School

The first day of classes has come and gone. I'm already exhausted.

The alarm went off this morning at 7 am. Well at least I think it did. I very vaguely remembering hitting the snooze button once or twice. It didn't sink in that the alarm was actually going off and it was time to rise and shine until 7:45. Good thing I set three alarms and didn't have class until 9:05.

I ran out the door a short time later and made my way to my first listening class. Last semester I had the same professor for my speech class so I was fairly comfortable with what the first lecture would be like. As he stood in front of the class telling us how listening will make us a better lover I resisted the urge to laugh. I'm well aware that being a married 21 year old student I should be mature enough to not laugh at his concept, but at 9 am it was a struggle. I bit down on my tongue and tried to focus. Although I may have been able to prevent the fit of giggles from exiting my mouth I'm not certain I was able to hide the amusement on my face.

After listening I had a short break and was able to return home and eat lunch. I walked in the door around 11 to find J.R. still sleeping in bed. That must be nice. After a quick bite to eat I once again drove back to school, found a parking space, and began a quest to find my next class. I'm not going to lie, I am terrified of economics and was nervous about walking into class. In high school I was able to avoid taking this class as I was SURE I wanted to go into music education when I grew up and I just couldn't possibly see WHY I had to take this course. Bad idea. I'm probably the only student who has absolutely no background in the topic which leaves me feeling lost. By the end of class I had a thirty page chapter to read and understand by Thursday. I spent a good hour and a half tonight reading, rereading, and still saying "huh?" I'm suddenly faced with graphs and positive correlations and x and y and yuck. Someone remind me why I'm a business major. I haven't seen these terms since the fall of 2004 and I'm rusty. I have a math phobia and to make matters worse there are no calculators allowed in class (Would this be a good time to admit that I can't remember how to do long division? Sad, I know.). I think I'm going to die.

After econ I ran to the other end of campus for my relaxation class. After reading the syllabus I realized we would be writing three papers for the class. That doesn't sound very relaxing to me. I've decided now that all of the PE classes are named incorrectly (ex: aerobic dance=Pilate's on crack). Relaxation should really be called "Stress Management Techniques: A Guide to Time Consuming Crap." I have such a positive attitude.

With my relaxation class done and over I quickly ran home and ate dinner. With dinner being inhaled I once again returned to school and attended my first general psych class. This class is being held in a small auditorium in the library. When you walk into the room you are greeted by the lovely colors of burnt orange carpet and eggshell walls. Watch your step! That's right... the floor is slanted downward. The desks are ghetto fabulous with chairs that are connected to the table. This means you get ten inches to slide your body into the seat and are left smashed against the desk for the entire THREE HOUR LECTURE. Was this some cruel method of keeping students awake back in the day? I could understand the location of this class if it was a lecture with a large number of students. I think there are about fifty of us and there are many more comfortable classrooms available on campus at 5:45 pm. Why they choose this one is a mystery to me. Aside from the uncomfortable room the class is wonderful. I even get to be a guinea pig in an experiment as part of the requirements for the class.

Ignoring the subjects I am studying this semester, I am very excited to have classes that are full of older students. Last semester I felt very separated from my peers which left a bit of an empty feeling in my college experience. This semester I am surrounded by older students who have a little more life experience and a lot more focus. It's refreshing. I only had to have the "omg you're married?!" conversation once today. It's nice not to feel as secluded from the flock.

As for now I'm off to complete a precourse examination for psychology and then it's time for bed. Tomorrow brings another day of classes.

Recognition

Recognition. I can't think of a single person who doesn't enjoy being recognized for a job well done. It is such a great feeling when your boss, a teacher, or a family member takes the time to say "wow, I'm really impressed." It's the one time when having your cheeks flush with color is a good feeling. But as with all positive things that we strive to achieve, there is always a negative backlash that is lurking in the wings.

Sometimes you pour your heart and soul into a project only to be squashed afterwards. It's a horrible feeling. Your stomach turns into a bottomless pit and the emotional roller coaster begins. At first you are speechless. Your mind works quickly to attempt to understand what just happened. Finally your voice kicks in and you have to stop and say, "Excuse me? I don't understand..." The next emotion is often anger. Anger towards the party who should be praising a job well done. Then the tears come and bring a wave of frustrating pity for yourself followed by the endless questioning of "What could I possibly have done differently?"

I'm having one of those nights. The night where no matter what I say or do it's just not right. I didn't push myself hard enough. I find myself having more and more of these days lately. I have to stop replaying the situation and shut my head off and sleep, but I'm finding it impossible. I'm frustrated. I'm hurting. I'm tired. I just really wanted to hear "well done" or "thank you" from the person who matters the most in this situation.

...

... I don't want to talk about it....

IT'S SHOW TIME!

GO PACK!

and in case you missed it.... this is pretty entertaining.

*side note: Blogger refuses to publish this as a link even though my html is correct. On my preview it works. I have to get to work but I'll fix this later. It's a story about a prank a local tv station did on Eli Manning. Gotta love it.

I'm Not Going Outside and You Can't Make Me

Yesterday I made my way to school and picked up my books. I have SIX books for my philosophy class. SIX! It's a very good thing that we rent out books from the university and don't have to purchase them. Add in the huge book for economics and psychology and I was loaded. It's a good thing relaxation and listening don't require any reading materials.

After dragging my bag back to the car I made my way to the gym. As a student I'm paying 25 bucks a month for the membership and an additional 15 for unlimited tanning. I'm only tanning for next month just so I can get some color back on my skin. I'm starting to blend in with the snow a little to perfectly. It's not a bad deal for a gym you can get into 24/7 with a little key. For my first day I did a couple miles on the bike, lifted, and finished with a fast walk on the treadmill. As long as I don't have to raise my arms above my shoulders today... everything will be just fine.

Last night J.R. and I decided to sit down and watch some tv together. This usually just ends up in a big argument as to who picked the last show and who deserves control over the remote for now. After twenty minutes of bickering we settled on Mythbusters. Within five minutes of the show starting J.R. had picked up a book and I had passed out on the couch. Well.. not so much on the couch but sprawled out with one leg hanging out on the top of the couch and one hanging the opposite direction. I was using J.R.'s lap as a pillow and was perfectly content for the time being. So I fell asleep and drooled all over J.R.'s leg. That's hot I know.


It wasn't until three am that J.R. woke me up and dragged me to bed. As I crawled into the much more comfortable queen size paradise I heard the dreaded noise of metal scraping pavement. They were plowing the driveway next door which meant we were next and to my horror I hadn't yet moved the Xterra into the garage.


"J.R. if I don't return in five minutes come find me.... and bring the heat gun."


"What the hell are you talking about?"


"I forgot to put the car in the garage and they're coming to plow!"


After a short lecture he just sat there and laughed. He's such a sweetheart.


So off I went to repark the car.


Maybe I should put on some sweatpants. No, that takes to long. You'll be fine in your nylon workout capris. Just go move the car. -10 is not THAT cold.


I pulled J.R.'s big winter coat over me, put on flip flops (with no socks mind you), and grabbed the keys.


&#!(*@ it's cold. Why the hell didn't you put on pants. Moron.


After parking the car in the garage I begin the walk, well it was more like a fast shuffle, back inside. As I got to the patio I looked over and realized that earlier tonight I had made an attempt to use the grill and had forgotten to place the cover back over the monster.


Are you kidding me? J.R. should be doing this. He grew up here. He's use to this.


It was a five minute struggle but I managed to win the battle. I entered the house, locked the door, and ran back to bed. I crawled under the covers and with an evil laugh I pressed my freezing cold body up to J.R.


"JO! WHAT THE HECK GET OFF OF ME YOU ARE FREEZING COLD. SERIOUSLY WOMAN!"


I think I know how to get him out of bed from now on. :)

As for today I'm going to spend my time getting a few of those nagging tasks out of the way. For the last two weeks I've had a tooth that has been bugging me on and off. I can't decide if it's a cavity or if I'm starting to do some real damage from grinding my teeth at night. Either way it's really starting to grab my attention and I'm just now realizing that I never completed the paperwork for the Tricare Retiree Dental Program. I can't put off this dentist thing any longer so the paperwork is getting filled out and mailed in TODAY. Hopefully within two weeks I'll be able to get to the dentist and get things checked out. Until then I'm hoping this toothache doesn't get any worse.

Controversy

In the past few years there has been a very heated debate about sterilizing children who are severely disabled so that it is easier to care for them as they mature. Recently a UK hospital has denied a mothers request to have her daughters womb removed. Their reason? The hospital "feared negative backlash from charities."

One must wonder if the doctors truly felt that the surgery was unnecessary. The UK case is very similar to that of Ashley X from Seattle. Ashley is unable to walk, talk, keep her head up in bed, or swallow her own food. Both are examples of girls who will be dependent on a caregiver everyday of their lives. They will never understand what it means to be a woman. They will never be able to have a child or feel a maternal instinct. As a woman I can't imagine going through my adult like without breasts or a uterus. It makes me who I am. It is hard to put my feelings about my own body aside and realize that these children will never feel this way.

Why should these girls suffer from the discomforts of a period when they will never benefit from having one?

Is this controversial? Of course. I say give them the surgery. Improve their quality of life and help their families care for them by easing their stress.

If a medical doctor is going to deny a child the opportunity for an increased quality of life the world should be given sound medical reasoning for that decision. Saying no out of fear that one will loose charity donations shows a medical team with no real passion for their jobs. As a patient I will think twice before taking the advice of a physician who is more concerned about money than my health.

For more on this topic please read.

I Almost Forgot...

What is going on with Project Runway?! They boot Kevin and keep Ricky. Ricky has shown time and time again that he's just not that great of a designer. It's time for him to GO! His stay has been way to long. And Rami... lets see something new! Drape, drape, yawn.

I'm pulling for Christian. Egotistical pain-in-the-ass Christian. I'd be happy with Jillian winning as well. The next couple of weeks will certainly be exciting.

The End is Near

Tonight I pulled up the ten day weather forecast for Menomonie, Wi. I did a double take. Saturday's high is -3. Yes.. that's right... I said HIGH followed by NEGATIVE THREE. I think Jeff Dunham's character Walter may be on to something in the following clip.



If you've never heard of Jeff Dunham spend some time on youtube with his clips. His sketches with Achmed the Dead Terrorist are amazing.

Moving on....

Earlier today I was running around the apartment trying to ready myself for work when all of a sudden it dawned on me... school starts on Tuesday and I don't have books. Panic. I ran into the bed room where J.R. was still sleeping (it was noon) and threw myself onto the bed to wake him up.

"J.R.!!! J.R. WAKE UP!!!"

"Huh? What?"

"J.R. I DON'T HAVE ANY BOOKS!"

"What?"

"BOOKS... I DON'T HAVE ANY BOOKS FOR SCHOOL AND CLASSES START ON TUESDAY!"

"You woke me up to tell me that?"

"SCHOOL STARTS ON TUESDAY. TUESDAY. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU? I HAVE NO BOOKS."

"Jo... you are over reacting. Shut up. I'm going back to bed."

Maybe there was a small over reaction on my part, but I hate feeling unprepared. I'm going tomorrow to pick up all of my needed materials. I rather enjoyed last semester when I had a whopping two books. I have a feeling this semester I wont be as fortunate. Eastern philosophy.... there's some heavy reading. And economics? We all know that's going to be the biggest, driest, most depressing book of them all. Thank goodness for my relaxation class. Yes, that's right.. I said relaxation CLASS (it counts as a PE credit).

The end of break is near and with classes starting on Tuesday I am trying to squeeze the most out of my remaining break time that's left. I have permanently glued myself to the couch. Is this the most productive use of my time? Of course not. But when one considers starting Tuesday I will be once again living in the library with my nose in a book, I'm not concerned.

*sigh* Tuesday. For the next semester Tuesday shall be known as the Everlasting Chalk Talk. Whatever moron picked my classes decided it would be just peachy to attend lectures from nine am to nine pm with an hour break in the morning and one in the afternoon. Some days I wonder if I suffer from multiple personality disorder. If this is true then my June Clever "life is swell" personality needs to be hit in the head with a shovel and have some sense knocked into her. I barely have the attention span to sit through an hour of class. This is going to be a very interesting challenge.

On top of picking up my books tomorrow, I'm biting the bullet and buying a membership to a gym. I feel a little silly buying a membership when I own an elliptical. It's great to have the equipment but I'm so burnt out on this machine. It's time for some variation and lets face it, my upper body could benefit from some weights.

As for now I've let myself slip into J.R.'s nasty nocturnal schedule. It's time to go lay in bed and attempt to get some shut eye. Maybe if I'm lucky J.R. will make it to bed before eight am. One can hope.

Huh?

Men... whether they have one arm or eight they are all equally confusing.

Nick and Krystle

Tonight I spoke with a very good friend of mine from Fisher House for the first time since early December. I was excited to answer the phone when her name came through on caller id. Unfortunately tonight she did not have good news.

Over a year ago Krystle's husband Nick sustained an injury to his foot/ankle while serving overseas. He made it state side with all of his limbs still in tact (a rare scene for a soldier at Walter Reed). They welcomed their first child, Cameron, shortly after Nick was injured. Within months of having Cameron, the newlyweds found out that they would be expecting a second child. As time went on, Doctors preformed surgery after surgery on the injured limb in hopes of saving the appendage. Unfortunately even the miracle workers at Walter Reed were unable to save the leg. On Monday, January 7th, 2008 Nick became a below the knee amputee.

I talked with Krystle for a long time tonight. Hearing her tell me about her first reaction to her husband's new appearance took me back to the first time I saw J.R. after he had lost his arm. I practically ran to find J.R.'s room when I first arrived at WRAMC. After finding his door I felt as though I was walking through wet cement. I was scared to see him. I didn't want to look at his arm for seeing the bandaged limb meant that it was real. No matter how I try to forget that feeling I can't erase the memory from my mind. I remember trying to control my emotions and my facial expressions as I finally gazed at his missing arm. I remember how surreal the moment felt. I remember how hard it was to smile and be strong for him.

As hard as it was to accept that J.R. had lost his arm, the amputation of his ring finger was a much more emotional procedure. The days leading up to the surgery I spent staring at his hand. When the hour finally came and he was prepped and ready to be put under it was painful to walk away from him. As long as his finger was attached to his body there was hope. Hope for improvement. Hope for a miracle. Even if the chance was small and the hope was buried somewhere deep inside, it was still there. As I walked out of the prep area my hope for him to have a normal hand was shattered. I was broken and I wasn't sure how to glue myself back together.

Nick and Krystle knew this day was coming for months. I can only begin to imagine how painful it was to wake up every morning knowing that you were one day closer to loosing part of your body and continuing this pattern for days on end.

I know they have been dealt a tough hand. I know their first year of marriage has been tough. Their path through the choppy waters of Walter Reed has been a rough ride. They've hit icebergs along the way but they're still floating. I'm proud of them and I am honored to call them friends. Heal quickly both of you.

Tofu Anyone?

I woke this morning feeling as though someone kicked me in the head a couple of times while I was sleeping. My head is pounding. After the initial shock of waking up in pain, I rolled over to the empty side of the bed that is normally reserved for my husband. Once again he slept on the couch. Not because of an argument, but because he is obsessed with sleeping on the couch lately. Seriously... do I smell bad or something?

I walked out to the living room and made an attempt to curl up with him on the leather sofa. I slide off in the first minute. The sound of me hitting the floor made him open his eyes long enough to look at me and say, "Jo, give it up... your booty is to big to fit on the couch with me." Feel the love.

With my head still pounding I made my way to the kitchen. Whenever I have a headache J.R.'s first words are "you're dehydrated.. drink some water." Sometimes he is so predictable. Well today I've downed three large glasses of water so this time he can't say it. Oh.. and my head still hurts. It's time to find the tylenol.

Moving on...

For Christmas this year I was fortunate to receive a whole bunch of cookbooks as well as a subscription to Rachel Ray's magazine. For the last week or so I've been combing through recipes, marking things I'd like to try. Being on break I have more time than usual to make a mess in the kitchen so I've been determined to try new meals. The week started off with sweet potato, black bean, tortilla things. It sounded a lot better then it actually tasted or looked. It was not a hit. Next came the beer beef stew. Big hit. Even the leftovers are gone. Then last night... I made my first attempt at polenta.

"What the hell are you doing Jo?! This is a kitchen... not a science lab. I'm not eating that. That's disgusting. No. No No No."

Mental note.. no polenta for J.R.

After dinner we sat on the couch watching Cops (I happen to be obsessed with the show... I'm letting the redneck in me shine through). While watching the officer arrest the cross dresser with a warrant I flipped through the pages on my new Martha Everyday Cookbook (it has pictures!). I sat there with my post it notes marking all the pages that had recipes to try.

"J.R. how do you feel about tofu?"

"If God wanted us to eat tofu he wouldn't have made animals so tasty."

"So you're saying no tofu is that correct."

"Jo... kitchen.. not science lab."

"J.R. it might be really good. Look at the picture. The picture looks good. I'd eat the picture if I could."

"Jo..... GIVE IT UP."

*page turn*

"Ok if tofu is out how about parsnip soup?"

*long pause*

"Can't you just make the normal stuff?"

After giving J.R. a big speech about trying new things I had to listen to his speech about how long he had been drinking red powerade. If red powerade is still working for him then so is mac and cheese out of the box. This must be a man thing.

As for now the time is slowly creeping closer towards noon and sleeping beauty is still dominating my couch. I think it's time to go wake him up.

Adventures of J.R. and Jo

The holiday season has been very busy this year in the Salzman house. It feels as if the month of December was two days long. Looking back I'm sure I slept but I can't figure out when I actually curled up into bed and closed my eyes. Between finals, alive day, Christmas, the Packers game, and New Years Eve.... I'm exhausted.

After finals wrapped up J.R. and I made our way up to Hayward for Christmas with his family. We arrived late on Christmas Eve. Having worked all day prior to driving up north I was exhausted and it didn't take me long to find a bed. We awoke the next morning and continued with Christmas traditions. We opened presents, ate food, and then the fight for the shower began. As normal we were all late to get out of the house and we arrived at Grandma Mary's house half an hour late. After eating more and laying around for a few hours we once again packed up the car and headed back to Hayward. J.R. and I stayed the night only to rise early the next morning and head to Michigan.

The trip to Michigan was long. We were fortunate to hit very little snow on the way (thank God). With a quick detour in Indiana to pick up my Grandmother we finally made it to my parents house around 12:30 am eastern time. During the whole bijillion hour trip we managed to have only one small argument (a miracle if you've ever spent time in a car with J.R. and I) and we were able to stay in the same room without wanting to strangle each other. YAY!

Now when you only go home a few times a year, you have to really make the few hours you have count. It seems as if we were constantly on the go while home. The busy schedule was exhausting but worth it as we now have some great memories to look back on. I even managed to fit in lots of quality time with my best friend Becca!

On the 29th we packed up the car. Packing the car was not easy. While in Michigan, J.R. had a dry kiln delivered to my parents house. Try loading a dry kiln, one large suitcase, one large duffel bag, a laundry basket, a box about the size of a laundry basket and various other objects into the back of an Xterra. It's not easy. With the Xterra loaded to the cieling we pulled out of the driveway and plugged Green Bay, Wi into the GPS. We were off to watch the Packers beat the Lions. We spent the night in a really ritzy hotel room in GB... complete with kitchen AND fireplace. I wanted to light the log in the fireplace so bad but J.R. told me not to touch it as it probably would cost us another twenty bucks (party pooper). We were both exhausted and the bed was surprisingly comfy. Sleep was amazing.

The alarm went off early in the morning and we jumped out of bed. After quickly showering and drying my hair I began the process of getting dressed for the game. For years I've watched the Packer/Lion games on my tv and my thought had always been "Wow.. look at those morons. It's 10 below and they're watching a stupid football game. Idiots." I thought of this as I began the layering process and realized that I was officially a moron. On my bottom half I had one pair of long johns and my toasty snow-pants. Two pairs of socks, foot warmers, and my winter boots finished off my feet. On my upper body.. well.. that's a different story. Two layers of underarmor, two tank tops, one long sleeved shirt, one fleece, and my winter jacket. I could move... kinda. I finished myself off with my ski gloves, carhart hat, and a Packers Santa hat on top of that. After the half hour of dressing was completed we once again loaded the car and were off to tailgate with J.R.'s siblings that also came to the game.

9:30 am and the sound of the first beer of the day could be heard. We fired up the grill and cooked steak and potatoes. What a great breakfast. After freezing for a few hours we left the cars and went into the stadium. Once inside we were surprisingly warm. By warm I mean I could almost feel my toes. We made sure to call my Dad a couple times throughout the game and rub it in that we were kicking their asses. He's a good ol' Michigander who still has faith in the Lions. After all.. you never know when they may have an off day and win... as Dad would say "That's why they play the game."

The game wrapped up and Packer fans rejoiced. We made our way back to the car to meet up with the family and off we went to find a bite to eat. As we left the stadium area we were sitting at a stop light watching fans celebrate the win. I laughed as I watched a slightly intoxicated woman in a Brett Favre jersey run around with a football on the side of the road. Then I noticed the group of men on the opposite side of the street encouraging the Favre wanna be to throw the football across the road to score the winning touchdown. Her arm went back and the ball was released, I watched in what seem to be slow motion as the ball came closer and closer to our shiney new car. Realizing it was going to hit the Xterra I announced the obvious to J.R. only to hear *THUMP* a moment later as the pigskin collided with the hood of our truck. Seconds later a young man appeared at our window asking if we wanted a name and number in case there was damage. There wasn't any.. but this does bring me to a very good point.

JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE WEARING A BRETT FAVRE JERSEY DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN THROW LIKE BRETT FAVRE.

After dinner we returned once again to the car and drove back to Menomonie. For once J.R. didn't mind that the heat was cranked up the whole way home. I still don't think I've thawed out from the game but it was worth the freeze.

The following day was New Years Eve. We had big plans to go into the cities and celebrate with a bunch of J.R.'s friends. Exhausted we cancelled. We curled up on the couch and brought in the New Year watching movies. It may not be as exciting as a big party, but it was the perfect way to end a year full of adventures.

Tomorrow I return back to the real world. I start back at work again after my wonderful week off. I'll probably spend most of the day saying "huh?" as I get my brain churning again. At least I still have a few more weeks before school starts back up.

Home for a Moment

We're alive. Exhausted, but alive. I've spent more time in a car with J.R. in the past few days then I ever care to again. And I thought driving home from D.C. was bad!

We may have had a shitty Christmas last year, but we've more than made up for that this season. There are stories to share and pictures to post. However, the craziness wont be over until after tomorrow so for now it's time to sleep (IN MY OWN BED!!!) and warm up after spending the entire day outside.

Merry Christmas

Stopping by to wish everyone a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I hope everyone remains safe in the holiday season. Hard to believe that a year ago I was on my way to Walter Reed to see J.R. for the first time. How time flies.

As a side note... Remember to be kind to the retail slaves as you finish your shopping or begin returning. We're all putting in long hours!

It's Been A Long Week

Oh what a very long week it has been. I've been itching to sit down and right but everytime I stop moving, I fall asleep. It happens.

Monday marked the end of the semester for me. I delievered my final speech with only one complication.. my visuals. I was silly in thinking that my toshiba laptop would work just the same as the hp laptop Stout provides every student. Wrong. I had a gorgeous powerpoint complete with pictures and information and I did not have the knowledge to use my toshiba. With no memory stick and a file to large to attach in an e-mail, I had to delete every photo slide. I e-mailed the presentation to myself and managed to pull everything up on the hp just in time to present. At least I still had SOME visual aid even if it was just the bare boned info slides. After class finished I received my grade for the previous speech. A!!! I was pretty geeked about that and felt it was a nice way to end the semester. Now I just have to wait and see what the final speech grade is and I'll know my grade for the class.

Tuesday came and went with a blink of an eye. I honestly don't even remember what happened on Tuesday.

Wednesday came fast and marked one year since J.R. had been injured. We woke early in the morning and got ourselves all dressed up. After one last meeting J.R. had with a professor, we jumped in the car and drove to Hayward for his Uncle's funeral. As we drove further and further north all my mind could think about was the drive I made one year ago to tell J.R.'s parents he had been injured. How ironic that on the one year anniversary of his injury we would be making another dreadful drive north to say goodbye to Bobo. I was not expecting this funeral to be as hard as it was for me. Throughout the service I kept thinking about the phone call I had received last year and how scary everything had been. I came so close to saying goodbye to J.R. last year. As we sat in the church saying our goodbyes we listened to the 30 point buck and the tears rolled down all of our faces. I cried for Bobo, I cried for the pain that the family is feeling, and I cried for J.R.

After the funeral we booked it back down to Menomonie. We ran inside and grabbed every Army duffle we could find, loaded the car, and got back on the road. We were heading into the cities to turn in J.R.'s army gear. It was crazy to turn in all of his gear on the year anniversary. In a way it was almost like being cleansed and finally closing this chapter of our life. Finally we are free of any debts we had to the Army and we really are retired. It was bittersweet. Before we left the armory we snapped one final picture and I think it was a good one.

Following the gear turn in we made our way to an italian resturant in St. Paul. We met up with a bunch of the guys from J.R.'s unit and celebrated his Alive day. We drank, we talked, we drank some more, we laughed, and we had a great time. We talked about what life was like a year ago and we were thankful that we were all still standing in the same room able to lift our glasses and say a big "F-you Iraq and F-you Iran. You can blow us up but you still can't defeat our spirit." Life is good.

Wednesday was a long day. We felt every emotion from grief, to anger, to joy. At the end of the day we were both exhausted and glad to be crawling into our nice warm bed.

Thursday brought a whole new headache. I worked from 1-9 and overall it was a good day. After closing the store Dyana and we began the walk to our cars. As I approached my car I noticed something laying on the ground next to my car door. At first I thought it was a Mcdonalds bag that someone had thrown out of their door and left in the parking lot, but as I approached I realized it was far worse. Someone had taken a small animal, tied it's legs in bailing twine, skinned it (even the head), then cut of the genitals and laid them next to the body all in front of my car door. At first I thought it was a small dog. I yelled at Dyana and she freaked out. She eventually shut herself in her car and refused to leave her seat. She rolled her window down and kept telling me to leave. Lucky for me at this moment the man locking the mall doors made his way to the entry we were at. I shouted at him and he came over and checked things out. He kept asking if I had an ex-lover who was pissed off at me. Not knowing what to do he told me to head home and he would take care of it. Before I left I snapped a couple of pictures just in case we would be needing them later. Being that these images are very graphic, I'm not posting them.

It later turned up that the animal was some kind of a possom or something. I went in with my pictures and spoke with the mall manager yesterday. They kept asking if I felt that I was being targetted in any way. I don't feel that I was a victim here. The animal wasn't placed on my car or tied to my car. I think it was someone with way to much time on their hands who felt like creeping out some people. I'm glad that the mall management is showing concern over the safety of their employees. Now if I could just get Dyana to stop freaking out.

Yesterday J.R's cousin Leslie stopped in for a visit. It was a nice relaxing night. We all went and had dinner and some margaritas. We then came home and sat in front of the TV all night. It was a great end to a very crazy and emotionally draining week.

Today we have been lounging and eventually we have to get moving and finish our Christmas shopping. I'm not looking forward to this, but it's got to get done. The upcoming week brings nonstop travel time. I work Sunday and Monday. After work on Monday evening we will be heading up to Hayward to celebrate Christmas. The 26th we will be driving to Michigan to celebrate with my family and on the 30th we have to be back in Wisconsin to attend the Packers vs. Lions game. I'll be freezing my ass off and loving every minute of it.

For now it's time to find the shower and get J.R. motivated to finish shopping.

Is It Friday Yet?

There has been a loss in the family this weekend. J.R.'s uncle passed away unexpectedly Saturday morning. The upcoming week will be long. Finals are here, the one year anniversary is here, and we're both tired.

There is a spider that has made it's home on my living room ceiling. I hate spiders. J.R. wont smush it for me and I'm to exhausted to even really care that it's up there.

I just have to make it through the next sixteen hours and then I'm done with school for the semester. Then all I have to do is get J.R. through the week.

Invasion of the Asian

Two days ago I stole J.R.'s shoe. I was attempting to be sneaky but was caught in the act. Go figure. When confronted about WHY I stole one of his shoes I told him it was needed to squash a bug. I was then told that it's to cold for bugs and they're no longer in the apartment.

Well tonight I would like to take a moment to point out that even when it's 5 degrees out the invasion of the asian is still continuing. Here is my proof.

Now I know the picture sucks. Bear with me guys, I've temporarily misplaced my nice camera and I had to use my phone. However, this is a picture of a lovely asian ladybug that is still living in my home. I know my apartment is cozy but seriously, what does this thing eat?! How the hell is this thing STILL alive? Just when I thought I had killed them all another one appears.

In other news, Project Runway was a major bust tonight. I'm not a happy camper. They kept the spit queen and cut the sane designer. Idiots. In other news, the hot gay man had to leave the show and to make up for this they brought back the fun gay man. There was drama, there were tears, there were horribly ugly outfits. God I love this show. We can blame Cheri for my addiction to PR. She got me hooked on the competition last year when J.R. was deployed. It is the one tv show that I watch religiously. Even J.R. knows that it's on every Wednesday at 10/9 central and that at this time he must hand over the remote and keep his mouth shut. He'll probably never admit it, but he does enjoy the show... at least in my own little delusional mind he loves the show.

Make It Work!

Shhhhh.... Project Runway is on :)

Roller-Coaster

Today has been a roller-coaster. I slept in till 9 this morning and then laid in bed another hour. It was wonderful. I love that the semester is winding down and I have some added time to do that. On Monday I will be finished with this semester and my Christmas break will officially begin.

Unfortunately the happy feeling faded fast as J.R. ran into the apartment hollering that people were coming over. Not funny. The place was a dump. Paperwork everywhere and just general clutter scattered all over. I was not ready to be entertaining a group of students. So I jumped out of bed, took a shower, and began a frantic pick up party.

After I was sure J.R. had things under control I went to the car to head for Eau Claire. I desperately had to go to the bank and I wanted to pick up a couple Christmas presents. As I took my foot of the brake my car sprang to life. It instantly flew backwards and ran into the trailer parked behind me. The trailer won. My bumper is now scared with a large L shaped crack. Now this whole car problem started a couple weeks ago. The engine is revving on it's own making it very difficult to stop the car. When you only have a few feet between you and a trailer... there's just no hope. I'm not happy.

I made my way to Eau Claire safe and sound but very pissed off. I got through the bank and was off to the mall. I managed to find presents for both of our Moms that I think are perfect. It put me in a better mood knowing I had the two hardest people to shop for out of the way. Looking for another pick me up I stopped at Gloria Jeans on the way out of the mall and grabbed an iced raspberry mocha.. aka heaven in a cup.

Since my return home I've finished the cleaning and I feel so much better just hanging out in the apartment. Being able to see the floor and the table is such a stress relief. I can actually RELAX on my couch now. Plus finding the floor allowed me to have enough space to wrap the Christmas presents. I love to wrap. J.R. thinks this is a wasted use of time. If it was up to him he would throw the gift in a paper bag and hand it over. Must be a man thing. If he knew how much I spent on wrapping supplies he would probably kill me. Now if I could just get a bigger tree...

Hello, My Name Is...

So I'm standing in line waiting to check in to get my blood drawn this morning. The hospital was jammed with a bunch of little kids who were all getting blood drawn. Lots of tears were being shed as no one was happy to be getting poked, including myself. I finally made my way to the counter and half way through the check in process the girl looks up and goes...

"Oh, you're J.R.'s wife."

"Umm.. yeah. And you are???"

"Oh I went to school with J.R."

Great. I'm meeting someone that J.R. went to school with and I haven't even showered for the day. I wasn't even dressed in real clothes for the day! Sweat pants and a sweat shit, hat on my head, no makeup, and half asleep still. Why do you always meet people on days you look like death?

I'm going to go shower now and find some real clothes.

Lazy Days

My alarm went off at 7:45 this morning. I was going to church. I was going to get out of bed, get all snazzed up, and go sing Christmas songs. Then I looked at the thermometer next to the bed... 5. 5!!!! No way in hell. I rolled over and snuggled back up to my warm hubby and fell back asleep. Sorry God... I was not made for cold weather.

I slept until 9:30. I beat J.R. up. I laid in bed with him for an hour just watching him sleep. Slightly creepy I'm well aware of that. I curled up in his arms and let my mind wander in thoughts of the last year. The phone call, the first few days in the hospital, our room at the Fisher House. The sights, smells, and noises of D.C. all came rushing through my mind. It's a lot to reflect on and at times can be very overwhelming. I had no more than started to get into my deep trance when J.R. opened his eyes and said good morning. After a few minutes he looked over at me and asked me to go grab my laptop and our new favorite movie... Escanaba in Da Moonlight.

Now if you haven't seen this movie... rent it. Especially if you're from Michigan or Wisconsin and you are willing to laugh at yourself. We curled up in bed and laughed all morning. It was the perfect start to a Sunday.

Half-way through the movie we were starving. We hit pause and off to the kitchen we ran to make waffles. As we got breakfast ready I called my Mom to ask her for the pasties recipe (they talk about pasties in the movie and it brought on a craving from me). While talking to her on the phone I looked out the window. Truck... check. X-terra... check. Alero.... ummm... alero?!?!?!

"J.R. where is my alero? Did you move it last night???"

"No, why the hell would I move your car. It's right where you left it."

"No.. no it's not. J.R. where is my car? I left it right next to the garage, I'm positive. Are you sure you didn't move it?"

"Yes I'm sure."

"What the hell! Where is my car!!!"

At this point I wise up and hit the garage button. There inside the garage is my alero. J.R. went into a fit of laughter. He laughed to the point he was CRYING! He was so proud of himself.

"You really thought your car was gone. Who would steal that piece of shit? Seriously... you should have seen your face Jo. You really thought it was gone."

He just thinks he is so funny. My poor Mom had to listen to all of this. I snapped the towel at him a couple times but he just kept on laughing. I think he went on for a good twenty minutes. He stopped long enough to shovel waffles into his mouth and finish the movie.

After the movie I jumped in the shower and got my running shoes on. With no groceries in the house I could no longer put off the trip to Wal-Mart. It was a mad house inside. I even had to brave the Christmas section to get wrapping paper (I LOVE to wrap). Now even my love of wrapping paper couldn't keep me distracted from some of the idiots in the store. There were of course your usual aisle hogging customers. You know.. the ones that walk down the middle of the aisle at a snails pace while you try to somehow pass them. There were the penny pincher's debating over which box of noodles was a better deal (seriously.. two cents more wont kill you.. pick a box). And of course there is the cereal aisle. Now I don't eat cereal just so I can avoid this aisle, but J.R. is in love with anything chocolate and sugary. So... down the aisle I went only to get stuck behind the soccer mom with three kids. None of the kids could agree on which cereal should be the choice for the week. It was not pretty.

Later in my shopping excursion I had the pleasure of being introduced to a new Wal-Mart character. I'm going to call this one the "try before you buy" shopper. Here I am walking through the pop section. In front of me are two women who are in their early 30's. As they pass the flavored water one of them grabs a bottle, cracks it open, and takes a drink.

"OMG THIS IS HORRIBLE! I can't believe anyone would drink this. Here try this."

After the second woman tries the beverage she replaced the cap and placed the flavored water back on the shelf and the pair walked off.

I stood there just staring at the bottle in complete disbelief. I now know WHY products have a quality seal.

I checked out and returned home to begin cleaning. I've managed to completely catch up on laundry, and find my kitchen again. I now have to finish the bedroom and the living room. The office... lets not talk about the office. That is a never ending project. As for now it's time for a bag of popcorn and a glass of milk. All and all not a bad Sunday.

Parking Ticket

Knowing a bartender in this town is wonderful. Knowing a bartender who will give you free drinks... even better.

So last night J.R. and I decided to stop in at our favorite local bar and grab a drink. We were hoping to run into a fellow logroller but she was nowhere to be seen. So we grabbed some food and I polished off my first drink. Before I had even eaten the cherry garnish my friend the bartender had a refill in front of me. Thirty minutes after the second drink it was clear that I was not going to be driving home.

"Hey... how much booze did you put in this?? I should not be this drunk off of two of these..."

"Oh, I guess I should have told you I doubled the booze in your drinks."

"OOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo... that makes a little more sense..."

So off we went. One incredibly hyper, incredibly trashed Josie with her handsome (but crabby) hubby. On the way home we stopped by another bar so I could run in and say hi to some girlfriends. J.R. was not entertained but went along.

"DYANA!!!"

"JOSIE!!!"

*BIG HUG MORE SQUEALING*

Apparently this is not J.R.'s style. After ten minutes and one very quick drink for me (hey.. girls drink free for an hour every Thursday night at this bar) we made our way BACK to the first bar to find the hubby's phone. With phone in hand it was time for home.

Now let me tell you... freezing rain+high heals+booze=DANGER

I managed to slide my way into the apartment without falling, but for a second I thought I was doomed.

It didn't take long for me to fall asleep. The plan was to sleep it off for a while and then go back downtown to pick up my car that was still parked on the street. Yeah, that didn't happen. Apparently I was perfectly content in the nice warm bed and the thought of going outside in the negative double digit weather just wasn't working for me. So at 7:45 this morning we dragged ourselves out of bed and returned to my vehicle. There attached to my door in all of it's lime green glory.... was a parking ticket.

Fifteen bucks! FIFTEEN!!!! With the amount of money I have donated to the City of Menomonie in the parking meters, I could feed the entire Army for a YEAR and now a parking ticket! To put the frosting on the cake there is a $2.50 processing fee when you pay it online. And if you don't pay the ticket within 48 hours they suspend the registration to your vehicle. Parking Nazis.

So anyway, lesson learned. My 17.50 payment to Menomonie was probably the price of my drinks that I got for free. And as Mom pointed out this morning they didn't tow my car. I can just imagine how that would have gone over with J.R. His face would have been so red. I can just HEAR the lecture in my head. "Jo seriously, what were you thinking? The sign is posted right there. NO PARKING 2-7. Now we have to go get your car, pay a million dollars, and it's Christmas time. You had two drinks. What's wrong with you. You're such a lightweight. When I was your age (I always love it when he starts this) I drank Dr. Pepper and whiskey and I was fine..." All the while I would be sitting in the car mocking him. It's actually kind of a funny thought. We're such a loving couple :)