Saturday, May 26, 2007

Writers Block

So often I find myself staring at this screen. A million stories to tell and no words appropriate to truly share my feelings. I would love nothing more than to tell the world what it's like to find out your soldier is injured and to talk about the first few moments I had with J.R. To explain frustrations that came early on in my time here at Walter Reed. Yet every time I sit down to write an instant block forms in my head. My brain is ready to push forward but a big part of my heart is still focused on December 19th.

Last night I held my husbands hand and I cried. I cried. (Yes Mom I said that.... it does happen once in a while but I'm never admitting that again so don't get use to it) It is not just the soldiers that are taken on a blind emotional roller-coaster never knowing when the crest of the hill has approached and the pit of the valley awaits. The anger and frustration that my husband feels everyday about his injuries I feel as well. For the first moment in our lives time is against us. Unsure of what the future will bring we are left to sit in our cracker box and wonder. Where will we be in two months, three months, or a year? Will the military really take care of us? What job will he find when we return home? When will we tumble into the next canyon and how on earth will we claw our way out?

13 comments:

FbL said...

I don't know when the next canyon will be, but I do know that you have an extended (and extensive) family here in the military blogosphere that will be here to stand by you, advocate for you, advise, raise you in its arms, and help pull you back out of that canyon. You need merely sound the call. Truly.

*hugs*

Anonymous said...

Sometimes you just have to rely on blind luck. It's like jumping off a cliff in the dark, you have no idea how long the drop will be. As long as you keep your head up, think positively and don't go crazy from it, you'll land on your feet and do surprisingly well. It seems daunting and like it's a huge deal now, because it's ahead of you and you know the unknown is coming fast. In reality, it's nothing compared to the unknowns that were thrown upon you without any warning and you are dealing with them everyday without a whole lot of time to dwell on them. Look at it like this, You've already successfully navigated some of the biggest problems life can throw at you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Josie:

As FBL said, there's no shortage of people who are willing to help be your safety net. Both you and JR are young and strong, and you will have a fine life together. Don't worry if your path hasn't revealed itself to you just yet; it will come in time.

Never be ashamed to ask for help; there are angels waiting to lift you up on their wings.

RPL
Soldiers Angels
NYC

Consul-At-Arms said...

Hang in there, a lot of people care about you and your husband. If you need something, anything, just let the need be known.

Butterfly Wife said...

One milspouse to another, I just want to let you know that I am here and I am listening.

Best wishes to you and your husband and your family for a speedy recovery and a peaceful, healthy future.

Scott said...

I can't tell you what's next or where the two of you will end up. I applaud the strength you're showing in the midst of having your world turned upside-down. *hugs*

Tracy said...

I can't even imagine how you feel. But like others have mentioned, you know you have family and friends that are ready and willing to support you. And maybe some of us strangers that have reached out to you will become longtime friends!!

Andi said...

Josie - When it feels right, the words will come. I've often said that not only does the wounded service member walk this difficult journey, but the spouse (or parent) also walks it with them. It's important that people understand how war wounds (physical and emotional) affect the entire family.

You're doing great, and I'm thrilled you've started this blog.

Call me.

Kris, in New England said...

I don't know you - but feel as if I do. I've been following your story since last December thru other MilBlogs. I've been lurking here and at JRs site. There is a mountain of support for you - thru us lurker-types who just keep you in our thoughts. And those who can have a more direct impact.

Either way - it's there in abundance. The hardest thing is to ask for the help I would imagine. But ask you must when the need arises.

And in the meantime, not-so-anonymous-anymore-lurkers like me will still check in and keep you both in our thoughts.

Anonymous said...

I will hold you in my prayers. You just have to believe that God will take care of you. What has happened to you will never make sense, but trust that He has a plan for you. Josie, if you get the chance, you need to read the book 90 Minutes in Heaven. It is an amazing story, that will put a different light on your struggles. I prayt that you find peace.

Josie's Mom said...

Hey Jo - Tears can be a blessing but I know better than to get use to hearing about them. I'm certain we have all taken on a share of the worrying for you but I know better than to worry too long or too much - I have faith that you and JR will be able to do anything you put your minds to. You are both young, strong, smart and possibly a little stubborn. It will get you far and I look forward to seeing where the journey takes you. Love you, Mom

Kat said...

((hugs)) You know the saying, "One day at a time"? Well, change that up a bit -- take things one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one BREATH at a time if you have to... you will get thru this somehow, some way... and we are all standing here, holding y'all close to our hearts & in our prayers always.. you need ANYTHING, just holler.... y'all are not in this alone, we are with you the whole way.(hugs)

Mel said...

Your words and feelings will gradually come out after time. I admire you courage and spirit to write and share this experience. My thoughts and prayers are with you both for a bright future and a speedy recovery.