Monday, January 21, 2008


Recognition. I can't think of a single person who doesn't enjoy being recognized for a job well done. It is such a great feeling when your boss, a teacher, or a family member takes the time to say "wow, I'm really impressed." It's the one time when having your cheeks flush with color is a good feeling. But as with all positive things that we strive to achieve, there is always a negative backlash that is lurking in the wings.

Sometimes you pour your heart and soul into a project only to be squashed afterwards. It's a horrible feeling. Your stomach turns into a bottomless pit and the emotional roller coaster begins. At first you are speechless. Your mind works quickly to attempt to understand what just happened. Finally your voice kicks in and you have to stop and say, "Excuse me? I don't understand..." The next emotion is often anger. Anger towards the party who should be praising a job well done. Then the tears come and bring a wave of frustrating pity for yourself followed by the endless questioning of "What could I possibly have done differently?"

I'm having one of those nights. The night where no matter what I say or do it's just not right. I didn't push myself hard enough. I find myself having more and more of these days lately. I have to stop replaying the situation and shut my head off and sleep, but I'm finding it impossible. I'm frustrated. I'm hurting. I'm tired. I just really wanted to hear "well done" or "thank you" from the person who matters the most in this situation.


Caty said...

Eleanor Roosevelt said - No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

You can re-phrase that with any other emotion and it will still be true.

All we can do is the very best we know how. If we've done that, we can rest easy. But, if someone else finds that isn't good enough, then he/she kindly needs to let us know what was desired or expected.

The 'person who matters most' is the ony one who can answer your questions...and needs to answer them....for both of your sakes. Communication is paramount.


Mary said...

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" is like saying "Its your fault you feel bad." Piss off.
I think you're awesome. You did a great job. You put everything out there and got squashed by someone who should know better.
I love you. I'm proud of you. I'm continually impressed by what you achieve. You accomplish so much for so little... and you deserve more.
Always remember, there's guaranteed to be ONE person who understands. And she & her man will always back you up.

Tracy said...

I'm sorry this happened Josie.


Anonymous said...

Dear Josie:

I'll add my voice as well. I think that you're fantastic, and I think that alot of other people feel the same way.

Soldiers Angels, NYC

Anonymous said...

Sorry you aren't getting the emotional support from "the person who matters most in this situation".
You have been a rock, a positive voice, mature beyond your years, and an inspiration. Hope you have someone to vent to who understands. Be very proud of yourself and take excellent care of yourself. (((Hugs)))
Cathy B

Caty said...

Mary, your comment was nasty and totally uncalled for. Obviously you don't understand the quote. It is not about criticism or blame, but empowerment, if you will. It wouldn’t be such a popular quote if it was about blame.

Look at it from the opposite perspective. The thing she wants you to realize and understand is that harsh words can not hurt us unless we allow them to. Many of us do this. When we hear a criticism or complaint, we subsequently feel bad because we take the comment in, begin to doubt and second guess ourselves, and then perhaps believe that there is truth to what we heard. We become insecure and full of doubt, and feel bad about ourselves.

Her statement is about empowerment and confidence. When you hear a destructive criticism or complaint, and you know you’ve done what’s right, that you’ve done your best, that you are not what the person is implying, you think of the quote and say to yourself “He/she can not make me feel bad unless I listen to them and let them make me feel bad. I’m not going to give in and let this person’s comment hurt me. I know I’ve done my best, so I’m not going to accept this. I’m going to ignore it.”

I hope this clarifies the message the quote is trying to send. If you still can't understand this from the intended perspective, then I'm sorry.

Josie, my apologies to you if you misunderstood my first comment.