Last night my sleep was shallow and interrupted. J.R. spent the entire night working at the shop leaving me home alone. Some days I wonder how I lived by myself while J.R. was in Iraq. Now that he is home again I'm the biggest chicken in the world. Every little noise has me on alert. It's pathetic really. I fell asleep on the couch around 1:30 watching Father of the Bride II. One minute Steve Martin was finding out he was going to be a father and the next some cowboy was riding around on a horse shooting who knows what. Realizing the J.R. was still not home I closed my eyes and drifted back off to never never land. 5:45 rolled around and I was wide awake. Where was J.R.? Why isn't he home sleeping yet? Why is his phone sitting on the coffee table and not in his pocket where is belongs? Thoroughly annoyed and worried I dragged myself to the bed. Trying to sleep was pointless. I just kept imagining J.R. laying on the floor of his shop hurt and unable to call for help because he phone was sitting on the coffee table. I got myself so worked up that I almost drove to the shop to find him and yell at him to come home and sleep. Luckily the rational person hidden somewhere deep inside me told my imagination to shut up and remember that J.R. has possum blood in him and never sleeps at night. He came home eventually only to crawl in bed and steal the covers. I gave up on sleep after that.
I rolled out of bed and made the strongest mocha I could. I then dragged myself to the shower and got myself ready for the day. Feeling awake and refreshed I began the process of my new obsessive ritual... bleaching the kitchen counters. Yesterday I wiped them down three times. Today it was four. Maybe it is because for the first time in months I can actually SEE the counter. Or maybe it's just a great way to take out any built up anger. Either way my counters are so clean you could eat off them.
As for now I'm going to go sink into the tub and reread my philosophy chapters. I have a feeling I'm still not going to comprehend the written words, but all I can do is try.