Friday, July 6, 2007

Hate Mail

I am exhausted. I arrived home very late last night. I threw my bags down and ran out to check the car. Three low tires, one VERY low tire. After consulting my sister-in-law if it was safe to drive the car to the gas station, I very slowly left the driveway and crawled to the corner. After finally filling the tires I was off to Wal-Mart. I love shopping here. Everything is so cheap compared to D.C. I'm not sure if I will ever complain about grocery prices again after our short stay in the city. I piled the cart full of goodies and returned home to catch a few hours of sleep.

After only a rough six hours of sleep I woke to a phone call. J.R. evidently missed me so much he had to call at the crack of dawn.... nice. I knew I had a lot to get done today so I rolled out of bed and showered. I pulled out my computer to read the news while I ate breakfast only to discover that the wireless internet was not working. An hour later I was finally off the phone with Charter. They claim that because my services sat idle for so long they had to reboot everything. I pay them every month so that when I get a rare chance to come home I have the comforts available. I expect them to work. It shouldn't matter if they are being used regularly or not. They're getting paid regularly. So one very heated discussion and the tone was set for the rest of the day. It was time to move on to fixing the cell phone.

I turned my cell phone off last night for my flight. It's never fully recovered. I can power the phone on but all I see is a white light. There is absolutely no display. I can still make calls (if I can remember your number) and I can still receive calls (and I can't screen them so now is your chance to reach me), but I can't see a thing. The T-Mobile store was no help. Evidently they can't sell me a new phone unless I sign up for a new plan. Morons. So I spent the rest of the day trying to call T-Mobile. I finally got through and ended up purchasing a new phone. It wont be in my hands until Wednesday so until then I just have to make the broken screen work. One more headache to add to the pile.

As for the rest of the day, I spent it moving small items in my apartment downstairs with Tina. Our poor two bedroom apartment is just jammed with stuff. We worked all day and feel as if we didn't even make a dent. My legs are already sore from all of the trips up and down the steps and I still have another whole day of moving left. At least tomorrow there is a big group of people coming to help.

I received my first bit of hate mail today. "Quit playing the victims and move on with your lives... how pathetic." At first I was a little taken by the e-mail. Offended and disgusted. I've been thinking about this for most of the day. We will always be a victim of war. My husband lost body parts. He is not physically a whole person anymore. When you look at him you can see he was injured. We will never be able to hide that. Moving forward with your life after something this traumatic is not an easy task. You can't erase the memory of a bomb blasting through your window and blowing your arm off. You can however learn from the path that life is leading you down and try to become whole once again. Yes, we both have our moments where we sit down and feel as if the world has ended and we can't move forward one more day. We will continue to have those moments. So yes, I am a victim. Pathetic I am not.

I did not run away from my husband's injuries. I did not try to hide him from the world. I bathed him, feed him, turned the pages in his books when he could not. I slept next to him in the hospital for two months straight. I hugged him and reassured him that life would continue and he would be O.K. I have been there for the best moments, and I will continue to be there for the really horrible ones. I am a young wife. At twenty years old a lot has been asked of me. I do not regret what has happened. I may be angry and bitter about it at the moment, but if given the option I wouldn't change his injury and I wouldn't leave his side. If you find this pathetic then I am very interested in what your personal beliefs are.

14 comments:

Stacy said...

Don't let them bring you down Josie. You are a wonderful wife to your husband. You are both heroes to us.

Butterfly Wife said...

Josie, you are wise beyond your years. I don't understand why people feel compelled to send things like that. But it doesn't speak about you, it speaks about the person saying it. That person is discussing his/her baggage, not yours. You are a brave, strong woman and we all know it. We got your back. ;)

Becca said...

I've been reading your page for about 2 weeks now. Other ladies reffered me to your site because of my worries of my husband being over in Iraq (he leaves mid August, is training in Wisconsin right now)...
And I just have to say- I don't think I would personally want to know the beliefs of the people who have found the need to call you a 'victim'.. they obviously don't read your blog on a regular basis and ignorance is the only thing rattling around in their heads. I'm sorry that you have to add hate mail to the list of things you are already going through.
Those of us who have been through deployments know the Murphy's Law of Deployment: Anything bad that can happen, does. Twice. Of course, those of us who don't know the devistation of having a loved one, especially our spouse, lose a part of their body and having to help them learn how to exist again afterwards, can only empathize with what you're going through.
I agree with butterfly wife- you are wise beyond your years. Don't let the people who will never understand bring you down. You're an amazing writter, wife, and woman.
*hug* Take care, and enjoy your time at home. :-)

Tracy said...

((josie)) I agree with butterfly wife, the email says more about the person writing it than you. You and J.R. are victims of war, absolutely. Do you act like victims~absolutely NOT.

You have stood by your husband's side through something that could bring anyone down. You are young, but with the strength and maturity of someone much older.

Anonymous said...

Dear Josie:

As others have said, the person who sent you the hate mail is the one with the problem, and the e-mail that was sent reflects on them. You and JR are much stronger and better than whoever it was who sent it, and the two of you can teach the rest of us about true strength, love, honor, and commitment.

Always remember, non illegitimi carborundum.

RPL
Soldiers Angels, NYC

Kat said...

(((hugs)))

The person who sent you the hate-mail is, quite frankly, a low-life idiot.

You are a hero and inspiration to many... hang in there. We luv y'all and are praying for you.

The Bottom Of The Swamp said...

For someone so young to have to deal not only with J.R.'s injuries but also with hate mail is just sad. Your strength never ceases to amaze me.

Anna V said...

I don't understand where that person got the impression that you or JR were "playing the victim." Your blog is all about strength, recovery, hope, and healing--in other words, about being SURVIVORS.

Bob said...

I once heard a story of someone who was mocked by friends who came to offer their comfort. If only Job had had a blog, he could have gotten such "comfort" as hate mail.

The jerk who sent you such bile desperately needs God's mercy - that and a good ass-whipping.

FbL said...

Josie, you may technically be a victim of your circumstances, but it's obvious you are by no means wallowing in it or allowing it to dominate you. Anyone living through difficult times has their good and bad days, but your spirit, love for JR, and ability to cope would be a laudable example to anyone in your situation.

Hold that head high and pity the smallness of spirit that must surely exist in a person who would attack you.

Oddybobo said...

I am sorry to hear that someone had the nerve to send you that email. You and JR are inspirations. Thank you again.

Army Wife said...

I certainly hope you did not respond...

Bernice said...

Josie, I just happened upon your blog--With my limited time I read everything I can about W.R. I was there with my daughter while her husband was hospitalized there for 4 1/2 mos 2004-2005. Thank you for your courage in standing up to bush in the little bit I read (his interruptions to therapy, etc.) You are indeed wise beyond your years, as is my daughter. I would give my life for your lives not to have taken this turn, but as I've told my daughter many times, especially in the darkest times: It is always up to US to make something good come from the horrible. Concerning the hate mail: those despicable, opinionated cowards who dare to say such things and worse have for some reason not developed heart nor brain enough to understand what real love, real terror for loved ones, real devotion, as every spouse I met at WR has. You and my children WERE victims, but no longer. Many people in our unfortunate world wish to continue to victimize you further. We will not allow that to happen. You are survivors, moving step by step through this now-more-difficult life. Not every story from W.R. ends well--some of course better than others, but all doing our best. I wish only the best for you and your husband, and may the rest of our citizens try to understand, and do everything possible to end the war and prevent others from having to experience what you have.

Karie said...

Good for you girl. I've been there. Well, we are there right now. If someone said that to me, I won't lie, it would get to me. But you and I both know being the spouse of someone who was wounded at war is more difficult than words can describe. Especially when we ARE this young. While other girls are out partying, we are devoting our lives to our husbands and their well being and our husbands are struggling with the new life and bodies the war left them with. Don't ever let someone like that get to you. How ignorant they must be.