Sunday, July 29, 2007


I hate Walter Reed. I hate this cracker box. This place has a way of taking the joy out of every part of life. Once here for extended periods of time you become so hardened to everything around you that you can no longer be happy. You either sleep all the time, or not at all. Eat everything is site, or starve silently in your room. One lives in a constant state of unbalance. Unable to be happy, unable to be sad. Not able to really feel anything at all. All you can do is glue on a smile and parade around as the happy couple that has overcome a war injury. Yes, at least that way the rest of the world will think you are still sane.

Today has been another reminder that even though we've walked so far on this very rough road of war, our feet our sore, and our patience is wearing thin. I'm tired of waking up in the same cramped little room. Tired of walking into a hospital and seeing soldiers with fresh wounds. Tired of not feeling anything. Tired of waiting on them or they or the people who do that. Do those people even exist? Who are they?

I know we are going home soon. Trust me I know. But is this going to be easier once we are home? How long will the euphoria of being in our own space last?

We went to a movie tonight. He drove. On the way home his myoelectric arm became fastened to the wheel. Try as hard as he could he could not open the jaws. He ended up yanking his arm out of the socket and pulling the prosthetic off the wheel and throwing it into my lap. He has threatened to run it over with the car and I wouldn't put it past him. I know he is frustrated. I know he is tired too. I know this road is harder for him than me. All I'm asking is that we get on a smooth straight road with only minor bumps SOON. I'm just to exhausted to stay on the current path for much longer.


Butterfly Wife said...

*sigh* Just wanted to let you know that someone is listening.

Anonymous said...

It's Sunday morning and just read your posting. If it were possible to reach through cypberspce, this old nurse would hug you both.
Having been hurled into a life changing situation as you have been, tackling all that arises each day since, it is no wonder you are running on empty.
Sincerely hope that returning home will restore tired souls, replenish your empty tanks, open new paths to the future, and renew your spirits through family and friends.
Thank you so very much Josie and J.R. Keep on keeping on.
Cathy B

liberal army wife said...

good place to let it loose. we'll listen, we don't judge and we only want the best for both of you. Hope it gets better really soon.


Tracy said...

Like Cathy, I wish I could reach through the screen and give you both a big hug. ((josie))

I cannot even imagine how tired you are right now.

FbL said...

Ditto on the hug. I'm sure you're very, very tired of everything. But look at it this way: I bet that because the end of WR is in sight (and you got a great glimpse of it last weekend!), you're finally letting yourselves see/admit how awful this all has been; you're naturally impatient to get to the new (better) phase you see so tantilizingly close. Just a little bit longer... a bit longer...

And the story about the myoelectric arm is something I've heard before. As I understand it, it's mostly a matter of skill and he will eventually achieve the level of skill/comfort that will keep something like that from happening again. As I'm sure you know, the technology is growing by leaps and bounds; he's going to be able to enjoy using technology that is better and better with each "generation" of prosthetics.

*humongous and repeated hugs to both of you!*

Kat said...

ditto on the humongous, repeated hugs!!!