Tonight there is victory in the Salzman house. I have finally won my battle over my desktop computer. As some of you may already know, I managed to forget the password to my computer after J.R. was injured. Not sure why I forgot it... it's not like there was anything else on my mind. I have finally recovered the password and I beat my Dell at it's own little game of hide and seek. I feel so smart yet so stupid all at the same time.
It is so amazing to finally have my music collection back. I've have my head phones on for hours singing off key. My poor, poor neighbors. I also now have all of my pictures back. THANK GOD! I started looking at all of the pictures J.R. sent me during the deployment. It was rather emotional and left me pissed off at the world for a few hours tonight. Kiss my concentration on my homework bye bye. I really hate that he lost his arm.
I also have stumbled across conversations that we had via instant messenger programs. The first being the messages he left while I was working that told me when he was coming home for R&R.
JR Salzman: punkin!
JR Salzman: I'm in Kuwait
JR Salzman: i got my flight info
JR Salzman: i get into Atlanta like 0800 on the 16th
JR Salzman: i have a 1219 flight out to Minneapolis
JR Salzman: i will get into Minneapolis at 1403
JR Salzman: its delta flight number DL6456
JR Salzman: i love you punkin
JR Salzman: i probably won't contact you until I'm in the states
JR Salzman: i fly out of here tomorrow night
JR Salzman: in like 20 hours
JR Salzman: i love you
JR Salzman: i will call you when i get to the states
JR Salzman: 1400 on the 16th, pick me up!
JR Salzman: i love you
JR Salzman: bye punkin
JR Salzman signed off at 4:25:13 PM.
I can remember the excitement that rushed through my body after I read these words for the first time. Over and over I read them. I knew he was coming home soon. There was relief that he was still safe. In the two weeks that he was home I don't think we could have smiled wider, laughed louder, or loved more passionately. As the time drew near for him to return to Iraq we knew. We knew something was off. Something was going to happen and it was only a matter of time. The following conversation took place on MSN messenger after he left the states in the beginning of December.
J.R. says: you were great at the airport
Josie says: what do you mean
J.R. says: you handled yourself very well
Josie says: i did not. i cried
J.R. says: yes. but you weren't hysterical by any means. you were very reasonable. i love you... i cried with you
Josie says: i love you too. i don't think i will ever forget the feeling of walking through baggage claim to get out. it was almost completely empty. a few lost bags here and there. two or three people and have yourself a merry little Christmas was playing. i felt like i was in a movie
J.R. says: kind of summed up how you felt huh
Josie says: i just about lost it
J.R. says: surreal?
Josie says: very. i wanted to just sprint through baggage claim and leave. but i didn't think that was appropriate airport behaviour. so i walked... very fast
J.R. says: oh punkin
Josie says: sooooo whatever. it was just weird.. i was angry when i heard the music. but just... another part of me found it completely hilarious
J.R. says: i know hun. i don't know how everyone does this
Josie says: "everyone" has been doing this since people were on earth. you just do it
J.R. says: it sucks ass though and i don't want to do it anymore
Josie says: agreed
J.R. says: i want to live a normal life. i love you. i wish i could give you another big hug.
Always interesting to look back. That was the hardest goodbye I've ever had to say. I'm so glad that I don't have to do that again.
There is so much more to be shared but for the time being I have to go focus on my speech. I have it completely written and polished and now it's time to began the presentation. The homework never ends.